


‘cos you’re all i need according to your heart

by orphan_account



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Banter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 19:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2122662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“But you,” Erik chuckles, looking at their joined hands. “You bring none of that. You calm me, you pull me back. You remind me that no matter what I’m not alone; that I don’t have to be that any longer. You bring me serenity, Charles Xavier,” Erik says, finally looking up to meet Charles’ eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	‘cos you’re all i need according to your heart

**Author's Note:**

> what i like to think happened after one of the extremely heartfelt cherik scenes during x:men first class.
> 
> twitter; @starkbucky  
> tumblr; @ofthe107th

It’s an amazing week, to say the very least. 

Charles is running around the house creating and keeping up training schedules for every mutant. It’s incredible to watch, and he smiles at him any chance he gets. When Charles tells Erik to meet him outside after lunch, Erik doesn’t hesitate.

Erik finds himself even more in awe after Charles explains to him that he isn’t ever really challenging himself if he’s only doing incredible things he knows for a fact he can accomplish. He ignores the ever growing reality that he becomes more and more in awe of Charles every day that passes.

“See that?” Charles says, pointing out over the field towards a satellite that’s in the distance. “Try telling it to face us.” 

Erik wants to laugh in his face, tell him it’s impossible, but something in Charles’ eyes stops him. It’s- it’s trusting, and not just that. It’s believing. 

Erik holds his hands out, tries to call onto it. He exerts himself almost as much as he had with the submarine, longing to feel the give of the metal beneath his hands; his will. 

The metal doesn’t even budge.

He collapses, gasping for air. When he looks back at Charles, Charles is looking down at the ground. Erik’s throat is too tight, and he swallows back anything he may have wanted to say before.

“You know,” Charles begins, and Erik turns around to look at him. “I believe true focus lies between rage and serenity.”

Erik pants, face contorting into a confused expression. Charles’ eyes don’t leave his.

“Would you mind if I-“ Charles gestures with his hands, starting to press his fingers against his temple. Erik hesitates, but then he remembers the flicker that he had caught in Erik’s eyes earlier, and suddenly Erik knows in his heart that Charles only wants to help.

He nods his head, still confused, and Charles lets his eyes slip shut, and his mind reach out.

Erik feels him, the eb and flow as Charles pushes his way to the back of his mind. Suddenly though, the area around him is changing into something else.

He sees something he never could have remembered in a million years. It’s his birthday party, the one right before the war had begun. He sees his mother  _smiling,_ and it immediately brings tears to his eyes. There’s laughter, and candles, and he doesn’t just remember the images, he’s feeling the emotions. Charles has brought a memory back to life that Erik didn’t even know he still possessed. Charles pulls away as soon as he finishes what Erik has allowed him to do, however, and that only makes Erik’s eyesight go blurrier. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest, and he doesn’t think the memory revival is entirely to blame for that.

A tear slips down Erik’s cheek, and it shocks him. He glances back over to Charles, whose own eyes are shining, a single tear slipping down his cheeks as well.

“What did you just do to me?” is the only clear thought that Erik can produce, and Charles steps closer, hands on his pockets.

“I accessed the furthest corner of your memory system. It was a very beautiful memory, Erik, thank you.”

“I didn’t know I still had that,” Erik admits honestly, eye still unfocused and Charles gazes at him, eyes soft. His whole face is fond, and a bit in awe, like he can’t believe Erik’s really here.

“There’s so much more to you than you know. Not just pain, anger. There’s good, too; I felt it. When you can access all that, you’ll possess a power no one can match. Not even me. So come on, then. Try again.”

Erik swallows harsh, and he can’t even focus. Not after what Charles has just said to him. Charles has told Erik what no one else ever has, and it might just be the one thing Erik has needed to hear all this time.

He calls again, to the satellite all those fields of green away, and this time, he feeds off of the memory and the current presence of  _love_.

The metal bends under his command, familiar in every way, and the satellite turns, facing the two of them.

It’s bloody exhilarating.

Erik knows, he  _knows_  Charles didn’t tamper with anything else while Erik had given him permission inside his head, but there’s something different. Erik  _feels_ different.

For so long all he’s ever felt is pain and hatred and sorrow and anger and  _loss._ And now there’s this man, this wonderful, optimistic,  _gorgeous_ man. Charles is everything Erik knows in his heart he should stay clear off, and yet he’s suddenly the only thing Erik can focus on.

“Do you believe there can be more than one point between rage and serenity?” Erik asks, out of breath, heart pounding. Charles looks taken aback, but his facial expression softens even farther.

“I do. You can have more than one motivation for doing something,” Charles says, and Erik breathes out sharply, reaching out for Charles’ hand. Charles doesn’t say anything but makes a small noise, something to let Erik know that it’s okay.

“My mother, my old memories with her and of her; those are just that. They’re old. They bring up different emotions. Pain, anger. Rage, so to speak,” Erik murmurs, choosing his words carefully. He walks forward, Charles moving with him, until he can feel Charles’ back hit the stone wall. He slides their palms together, and Charles’ breath hitches in his throat. He doesn’t lock their fingers though, just presses their hands together. 

“But you,” Erik chuckles, looking at their joined hands. “You bring none of that. You calm me, you pull me back. You remind me that no matter what I’m not alone; that I don’t have to be that any longer. You bring me serenity, Charles Xavier,” Erik says, finally looking up to meet Charles’ eyes.

“Erik,” Charles breathes, and it’s a beautiful sound. “Erik, I-I don’t know what to say.”

“So don’t say anything,” Erik whispers, and Charles squeezes his eyes shut.

“I dont-”

“I know,” Erik says, because he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing either. “I know,” he repeats, finally,  _finally_ interlocking their fingers. Charles makes a sound that’s in between a sob and a whimper. Erik’s other hand cradles his face, thumb swiping over his cheekbone.

“I need you, Charles Xavier, and that scares me to death,” Erik says and Charles shakes his head, takes his hands away from Erik's own.

“It's okay,” Charles says, choking a little on the words. He wraps his hands around Erik's neck, pulls him closer. “You're not alone,” he whispers, repeating some of the first words he ever said to Erik again, and then there are no more words.

_You're not alone._

The words echo in Erik's head when their lips meet, Erik breathing out sharply through his nose. It's desperate, it's clinging, it's close, and Erik's hands clench at Charles' hips. Charles doesn't keep his distance, arms wrapping tightly around Erik's neck. Their lips move together and God, this doesn't feel like a first kiss. There's no awkward meshing of teeth, and even though it's hard and fierce, it tastes like everything he's ever wanted. They pull apart slowly, lips swollen and read, and all Erik can do is smile, lean into Charles’ touch. Charles’ fingers are stroking lightly across the back of his neck, and it makes him feel more relaxed than he has in years.

“Erik,” Charles says again, and it's calming. Erik's gaze snaps back up to Charles, and his eyes are soft. “C'mon,” is all he says, and slips his hands into Erik's. He brings them up to his lips, kisses his knuckles. “You with me?”

“Always,” Erik says, and as Charles starts to lead him back up the path, fingers interlocked and hands swinging gently between them, Erik realizes that it's the most honest thing he's said in years.

+

Erik has Charles pressed up against the door the minute they’re up in his room, taking Charles hands into his own and pressing them against the door. Charles gives in willingly, tilting his head forward to produce even more pressure. Erik fights the ever increasing urge to run, telling himself that he can have this, he can  _feel_ , he’s allowed.

“We don't have to do anything,” Charles says, and Erik pulls back, a gleam in his eyes. He lays down on the bed, smirking as Charles rolls his eyes.

“I know,” Erik says, pulling Charles into his lap, kissing him again. Charles goes willingly, knees bracketing Erik's thighs. Erik nudges his chin up with the tip of his nose, kissing the sensitive skin of Charles' neck, breath hot against flesh. His hands roam around to press at the skin under Charles's shirt, across his ass. “But what if I want to?”

Charles shivers, arches into Erik's hands, biting down on his lip.

“We can- oh God, we can definitely do, whatever,” Charles gets out, and Erik grins, laying back again.

“How do you want this?”

“Oh, I'm quite liking our current arrangement, I must say,” Erik says, and Charles laughs, taking Erik's hands in his again, slamming them back against the pillows.

“Sod off,” he says and Erik smiles even wider, pressing their lips together again. Erik presses up against Charles' hold, finding it surprisingly firm.

“Charles Xavier? Taking control? Hold the phone,” Erik teases again and Charles would look positively murderous if Erik couldnt see the flickers of a smile around the corners of his mouth; if he wasn’t so caught up in the moment of finally  _having_. Erik steals the moment then, rolling them over so he has Charles underneath him, and  _God,_ his back arches up beautifully under Erik’s touch, just like that.

“Why do I get the feeling,” Erik whispers, pressing their foreheads together. He can feel Charles infiltrate his mind, can feel him  _seeing_ everything that Erik’s ever thought that pertains to this moment. “That you like this a lot better than I do?” 

Charles shivers, mouth falling open in a silent plea and God, Erik just wants to _take_.

“Then do it,” Charles gasps, hips thrusting forward. “Sorry, you were thinking too loudly anyway,” Charles says, and Erik just smirks. Charles leans up to take his shirt off and Erik sits back to do the same. As soon as his chest is bare, he fights his nightstand drawer open, drawing up a small bottle and producing a foil packet as well. Erik stands up, quickly shedding his pants and the rest of his clothing as well before pouncing on Charles again. Charles laughs, and it’s a wonderfully filthy sound.  

Erik used to think that laughter and sex were two things never destined to be together, but with Charles’ smile against his teeth, Erik thinks he could easily rethink that philosophy. 

“Okay, okay come on-“ Charles pants, bare hips canting up. He’s hard, cock curving up against his stomach in a way that has Erik’s mouth watering. Erik doesn’t waste anymore time, because the look in Charles’ eyes tells him that there will be other nights just meant for touching, for learning. For now though, he wants to give in to what they both want. What they both have  _wanted_ , for so long. So Erik slicks up his fingers, breath hitching as he slides one in. Charles’ head knocks back against the pillows, breathing harshly.

“Christ,  _Erik,_ ” Charles moans, and there’s that  _sound_ again, the way Charles’ voice has gone all rough and scratchy just from pure desire. “Please,” he whispers and Erik can’t do anything but oblige, too mesmerized, watching the way Charles starts to unravel underneath his touch. He works up to three fingers, knuckles pressed firm against Charles’ rim over and over again until he’s riding down against them, back arching beautifully under his fingers.

_Please,_ is all he hears then, and Charles’ hasn’t uttered any words yet.  _Please, Erik, fuck me-_

Erik groans, because it shouldn’t be hot, Charles inside his head like this, but it is, and Erik refuses to pretend that his dick doesn’t twitch interestedly at all of the possibilities that come with their powers. Erik pulls his fingers away, listening to the way Charles practically  _whines_ , ripping the packet open quickly. Charles threads his fingers through Erik’s hair, forcing his head down so Charles can kiss him again, open mouthed and hot. Erik kisses back sloppily, finishes rolling the condom on. Charles slicks his own hand up, wrapping his slick fingers around Erik’s length, gives it a few firm strokes. Erik keens, canting his hips forward, and he thinks that he could get addicted to the feeling of Charles’ hands pressed against his skin.

“How do you-“

“Like this,” Erik says, out of breath, and it’s the first things they’ve said aloud in so long. “Want to see you-“

“ _Jesus,_ ” Charles groans, and he sounds like he’s fucked out already. 

Erik isn’t thinking now, body on overdrive. He’s  _never_ done this before. He’s had sex of course, lots of it, but it never meant anything. This, with Charles under him, wanton and lusting, this means everything. He pushes the tendrils of panic that creep up his spine to the back of his mind, links Charles fingers with his own, pressing in hard. Charles moans, his legs coming up to wrap around Erik’s waist. 

He dislodges their fingers so he can dig his fingers into Erik’s shoulder blades when he starts to move. Erik thrusts hard, hard enough to make him feel every drag of Erik’s cock inside him. Hard enough that Charles feels everything, nails digging into Erik’s skin, scratching down his back. At some point Erik’s head dips down so that their foreheads aren’t pressed against each other anymore. Rather Erik’s mouth is working a bruise above Charles’ collarbone. He sinks his teeth in, not at all gently, and Charles grabs his hair roughly pulling their mouths back together because  _it’s too fucking good._

Charles comes suddenly, clenching down tightly as Erik doesn’t stop. He grips the headboard tightly, hard enough that he feels the wood creak in protest. White splashes up against his stomach, paints Erik’s hand, and Jesus  _fuck_ Erik is coming right after him. Charles feels the swell of it, and it makes his toes curl. His vision goes white and he hears something shatter, but it feels a million miles away.

In the heat of the moment Erik’s thoughts bleed into his own, and he hears things like  _he’s the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, Raven_ and  _I know that I’ve spent my whole life searching for Shaw, that’s all I’ve ever known how to do, but god dammit all if Charles doesn’t make me reconsider everything I’ve believed with all my heart and soul._

“Charles,” Erik says, and it’s not a question, or a statement. It’s Erik saying Charles’ name like a fucking  _prayer_. He pulls out, tugs the condom off and throws it haphazardly over the side of the bed. 

Charles still isn’t thinking straight, so he just swipes Erik’s hair off his forehead, presses his fingers against Erik’s temple.

_I heard it, I felt it, inside your mind. I know, my dearest Erik. I know you do. In this moment I know, I know everything. And I do too, but not yet. Save it for when we may not get the chance to say it again._

Erik can’t say anything, feels weak and vulnerable enough as it is. He lays down against Charles’ chest, squeezes his eyes shut tight. Charles lets his eyes slip closed as well, stroking his hand through Erik’s hair. Erik’s arm is thrown across his stomach, come drying on his skin, but he doesn’t care. In this moment, it doesn’t matter.

“You’re not alone,” Charles says a few minutes later, and Erik smiles, turning his head into Charles’ chest more, pressing a kiss to the skin there.

_Never again,_ he thinks, and he knows Charles hears it.

+


End file.
